I want to work in my shop. See I have a ton of new tools. I have so much to do, but isn't that always the way?
Remember the second time we met? I had reached out and asked for help. Cristin said you were good with tools and approachable, so I messaged you. We stay on the porch lighting smoke after smoke to keep our fingers warm. But holy cow you got that band saw purring like a cat. You also taught me a lot and never once talked down to me. I decided I really liked you then.
Seems like our whole friendship revolved around tools. Remember coming to our new house and helping me set up my shop? You told me it was way to clean. I always keep a bit of sawdust around so you don't think I'm slacking.
I quit smoking and you came over for second Thanksgiving. I had so many people that I had to gave two. I never even snuck a drag off you. You told me you wanted to cut down. Your smokers cough was pretty bad. I didn't even give you shit for burning my porch. Okay maybe I pulled your leg a bit.
Remeber when I called you to help me cut the plywood? I was so scared and the saw was so loud. You said I should be scared and that it had every right to have some healthy fear. You said buy some ear protection if it was so loud it wouldn't be so scary. You never made fun of me.
Remember going up the Adria event and you said you really liked Rory. You said you felt like home. You said you had found memories of fighting rory to the sound of the beating drum. I donated my favourite drum so you could hear it when you fought. I was so excited.
I remember when you asked me to call you. I knew it was bad. I thought maybe it was something with your soon to be wife. I knew you had some fluid on your lung. You told me it was cancer, but you were gonna fight! I promised we would be there with you.
Couple days later on Fathers day we took off for chute lake and you took us on some back country road. I wasn't sure you knew where you were going. But I trusted you. We lit a fire. Put our rods in the water. You took your Yak out. We laughed because I brought you a healthy snack that you couldn't eat. It's hard to remember that your friend has no teeth when he smiles with his eyes. We made plans to go camping. And we lived each second in that moment
Couple days later you messaged to say it was really bad. You figured you had a little over a year. We decided to push up the wedding. Our yard would do. I lent you my wheelchair just in case.
I haven't sworn so much on your wedding day. I know you offered to help. But I knew that if you did you wouldn't be able to get married. I ordered all the decorations and I know you said not to make a fuss, but I had to. See I kept looking at you and no offense your life meter kept going down when I looked at you. I wanted you to have just one more major happy memory. I wanted to give you something you could hang onto. I also wanted to thank you for never talking down to me. I wanted your wife to have one more major happy memory. You said you never knew how to thank me. You did thank me a million times. But I could see the gratitude in your eyes. That's all that matters. They told you not to expect to make Christmas. Man I was scared you weren't gonna make the wedding. I bought that trailer do you and your wife could go on a honeymoon in it.
Several days later you were back in the hospital. Your last memory was the wedding almost a week prior. I thought man if that was your last memory you would have died happy. The stuck another tube in your chest and you were stir crazy. That lump in your neck was now noticeable. Stage 4 lung cancer can be hard to look at.
Even in the hospital we entertained you. Your mind was on your wife and we covertly picked up an outfit for her at your request. We shared a somber moment when I told you a mutual friend had died in a car accident. I thought of his husband and cried with you. We even went to value village to get you some stuff to keep you entertained. Fixed your computer so you could watch movies. You told us no more treatments you were going to hospice. We said we support you and we did.
I showed you pictures of the trailer. God you were so impressed. I did such a good job. It meant so much to me that you were proud of me! I knew you would never blow smoke up my ass.
Every day at the hospice I wondered if it was your last. You went home on day trips and made sawdust. I was glad you weren't using larger saws cuz you would have to work at cutting a limb off with your scroll saw. You wanted to do markets with me. I told you sure man, no problem. The last week I lied to you a lot. I know you really wanted to do the markets with me and go to the event. I just thought it might kill you. You know I already had PTSD from finding my one friend, didn't want you to be number two.
Drs said you were gonna go soon. We should say our good byes. We had a bbq and I asked if Beth could come. She was kinda fond of you too. You said yes. Chemo had taken your hair and the lump on your neck was pretty impressive. The picture of you and me looked pretty awkward. I was trying not to cry.
Got to see you a few more times in hospice. You saw people from work and comforted us all and held our hands. You apologized for not going to be there for my treatments. You were dying thinking of others.
You never got to go to that event. Neither did I. I had a UTI something I hadn't had in many years. The antibiotics were supposed to be taken with food. They forgot to tell me. I was trying to figure out what to do about the market when your wife called. She said you passed. Suddenly I didn't care about the market anymore.
I went out to brunch with your wife and inlaws. I didn't cry. I had done a lot of crying. In the bathroom at your wedding. In the bathroom at your house. In the car at the hospice. But never a bunch around you. Sure you saw me cry, but the falling apart I did by myself. Wouldn't have done either of us good.
Had my treatment. Was so sick o couldn't think straight. Wouldn't say it though. Never heard you bitch. We respected that about each other. My bodies healing, so I guess that is good.
So now I got this problem. I got my shop pretty much set up with the tools you gave me. I can't get the blade out of the scroll saw. Oh I haven't tried. I can't take it out cuz you carefully put it in there. You lovingly placed it in there with your dying body and calloused hands and made saw dust. The drill bit same thing on your dads old drill press. Same with the router table.
I gotta Sharpen my crappy lathe tools and you promised you'd show me. I know you sent over all that sharpening stuff. I keep reaching for my phone to ask. To tell you about the new projects I got brewing. Guess I'm gonna have to utube it. I got no one to help me now.
I know it won't keep me out of my shop for ever and hey you are there right? I got my ear protection. I just gotta wait until my eyes stop leaking. Gotta have respect for the tools right? Maybe tomorrow I will make a single cut. All projects begin with the first cut. It's the hardest. You told me. I remember.
