Heroes

Heroes

Last night I spotted a house fire and went tearing down the street to make sure everyone was evacuated from the house. When I realized that everyone was safe I spared a few seconds to see if I could see the cats the poor woman was screaming about. I had a clear line of sight through to the back of the house and would have attempted to grab them if I saw them. Alas I failed to see them and the cats perished in the fire. One of my friends call me a hero for willing to risk my life to save another. I am not a hero, just a concerned citizen. But it got me thinking. Who is a hero?

A hero is not a person who happens upon a circumstance and acts. Heroes are the firefighters who risk their lives on a daily basis and battle blazes for a living. A hero is not some one who cares about a single stranger. Heroes are the Men and women in the Canadian Forces who have dedicated their lives for the country and with out question don their uniforms, kiss their wives, husbands, family and lives goodbye and travel over seas so we can enjoy the freedom of the greatest country in the world. Heroes are not people who try and save an few animals in a fire. Heroes are the police officers who risk their lives every day sheltering us from criminals and protecting our peace. It is these people who are the hero's, it is these people whom we should thank. I was only doing what I hope someone else would do given the same circumstance. True heroes do this on a daily basis. If you haven't already, take the time to thank a true hero today.

The Need for Karate

The Need for Karate

 

 

 

I love Karate. I mean I really REALLY love Karate, but it's a good thing I do because I need it. My doctor told me 3 things that would greatly assist in dealing with Multiple Sclerosis: 1. Avoid stress like the plague, even good stress is stress and it is hard on your body. 2. Get lots of sleep. If your body feels tired, then sleep. And finally 3. Exercise a lot. Your muscles will atrophy more rapidly than an regular person if you don't use them.

A few years back I became unable to work and it sent my body and my mind into a downward spiral. I had a stationary job at a call centre and I remember waking up mid call my mouth was moving, but I had no recollection of the last few minutes or what I had said. I was unable to work any longer and unable to train for another job considering a call centre is about as stationary as you can get. I wrestled with the pain of losing such a huge part of my life. In my adult life I had worked 2 and 3 jobs to support myself and my family, but now I could no longer even do that. How would society treat me? I knew my family would understand, but what about the rest of the world. Would I be labelled as lazy?

I took up Karate, and didn't practise as much as I should however as time progressed I realized I felt better after doing Karate and slowly little things changed. When I started I was unable to sit in a position called seiza (kneeling on one's knees resting your buttocks on your calfs). I was unable to bend my knees as I lost my balance. I couldn't stand on one leg, hop, or even jump. My brain couldn't comprehend the little movements I had to make and I was constantly tripping over myself or other students. I felt hopeless and I considered giving up. It's not like I am Bruce Lee now. But I can sit in seiza for greater and greater lengths of time, I can stand on one leg (either leg) I can hop and even jump. These may seem like little accomplishments, but to me they are miraculous.

One of my friends asked me the other day why if I could spend so much time at the dojo couldn't I find a part time job? The simple answer is No. If I stop training my body will become weak and I'll loose my ability to walk. Even part time jobs require the employee's to come in when they are scheduled. I'm exhausted and need a nap will not fly well with them. I am grateful to Karate and especially to my instructors for helping my body become stronger. Not only that, my instructors and my dojo mates take joy in the little accomplishments that I achieve. It is my dojo mates and my Instructors who give me the strength some days to come in and train on days I can barely get out of bed. On days that I am bedridden it is they who encourage me to get better, rest up and join in. I hope they realize what a constant source of encouragement they are.

Monsters do exist!

Monsters do exist

When I was a little girl I was terrified of the monsters under my bed, but as I grew up I realized that the monsters are not real. At least not the ones with long teeth and sharp claws. There are monsters in this world who are much scarier than that those that haunt the figments of our imaginations. They are the knife wielding, bottle braking and ignorant kind. Was Matthew Shepard afraid of ghosts and goblins before he was tied to the fence post, beaten and left for dead. I doubt any longer because he had seen the horrible truth, that monsters of the people kind exist.

Currently in Russia a man named Maxim Martsinkevich is leading the fight against what he calls paedophiles. What he is actually doing is cruising gay websites and picking up unsuspecting gay men and beating them and dumping urine on their heads. His link to hes website hosted by a Russian fraction of youtube is here: http://vk.com/video119910902_166034525 and American blogger has documented this abuse and you can find the link here: http://americablog.com/2013/07/russian-vigilantes-kidnapping-beating-young-gays.html

I had to watch the videos. I had to watch the videos. Tears streaming down my face I could not believe the atrocities that were happening to my gay brothers in Russia. When asked by a friend, why did I watch it? I responded I wanted to see the face of evil and I did. How many crimes of human nature are justified by people believing they are fighting for a cause and they loose everything that made them human in the first place. The violence is only escalating. Recently a man was beaten then raped with a beer bottle after he admitted he was gay at gun point. The report is here: http://www.pinknews.co.uk/2013/09/15/russia-viral-video-allegedly-shows-gay-student-beaten-stripped-and-raped-with-bottle-at-gunpoint/

How long do we stand idly by while these crimes are being committed. They aren't just crimes, but crimes people are proud of. When do we stop and say enough is enough. The Olympics are slated to be held in Sochi in Russia. This is supposed to be the representation of the world. I will not be watching, nor supporting any business that sponsors the Olympics this year. My morals and values will not allow me to. My God, does it ever remind me of the atrocities that were committed during World War Two. How long before they start rounding up the Gays and Lesbians and putting them into concentration camps and burning them. They have already stripped them of their dignity and humanity. The next logical step is to get rid of them. Will the world watch in horror or step up to the plate and do something.

Jesus Please?

Jesus Please?

This morning I woke up thanking the Lord that he has a great plan for us and that sometimes the Father in Heaven says No. I can not tell you how many hours I have spent on bended knees praying to God that he take this attraction to women from me. How many tears I have shed, or how many deals I have made with God. “God if you take this away from me I will go to church more, or I will tithe more, and I will volunteer more”. Thankfully, the Father in Heaven knows best and just like a good parent the answer is No.

God created me gay. He knows the hairs on my head and he knows what is best for me. What did Jesus say regarding Homosexuality? Nothing. He had lots to say about loving your neighbour and loving each other and forgiveness, but absolutely nothing about homosexuality. Don't you think that if Jesus thought that it was such a terrible thing he would have said something? What he did speaks more volumes that then the nothing he said about homosexuality.

Matthew 8:5-13

New International Version (NIV)

The Faith of the Centurion

5 When Jesus had entered Capernaum, a centurion came to him, asking for help. 6 “Lord,” he said, “my servant lies at home paralyzed, suffering terribly.”
7 Jesus said to him, “Shall I come and heal him?”
8 The centurion replied, “Lord, I do not deserve to have you come under my roof. But just say the word, and my servant will be healed. 9 For I myself am a man under authority, with soldiers under me. I tell this one, ‘Go,’ and he goes; and that one, ‘Come,’ and he comes. I say to my servant, ‘Do this,’ and he does it.”
10 When Jesus heard this, he was amazed and said to those following him, “Truly I tell you, I have not found anyone in Israel with such great faith. 11 I say to you that many will come from the east and the west, and will take their places at the feast with Abraham, Isaac and Jacob in the kingdom of heaven. 12 But the subjects of the kingdom will be thrown outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.”
13 Then Jesus said to the centurion, “Go! Let it be done just as you believed it would.” And his servant was healed at that moment.

What made this servant so special to the centurion? After all servants were bought and sold on a regular basis. The answer is simple. It was the centurion's lover. He was aware that the Jews did not want to be around Homosexuals so he told the Lord that he was not worthy of the Lord visiting his house. Jesus was so impressed with him that he healed the Centurion's lover. Don't you think that if Jesus thought Homosexuality was wrong he would have healed him of that too? Don't you think that if that happened there would be many more paragraphs in the bible following this story?

I am glad that the Lord didn't answer my prayers and make me a heterosexual. Yes would my life be easier. Certainly. Would it be nice to be accepted in the community with out question, yes it would be. Would it be nice to go to church with my family with out feeling like I have the bubonic plague, absolutely. But this is not the life that the Lord set out for me and he wants me to live my life as he designed and not by what is easier. So all my Gay Brothers and Sisters out there, do not despair. Go do as the Lord has designed you to be. Love each other and perhaps one day the right wing Christians will look on their discrimination with disdain as they do with segregation.

Peace and Love in Christ!

September 11

September 11

12 years ago, the world was rocked by an event that would change the world and the New York skyline forever. Of course I am speaking of the destruction of the World Trade Centre. While much controversy still remains regarding the event, one thing is clear, everyone knows what they were doing on that fateful day. This is my story.

The morning began early as I hopped on my little moped/scooter and made my way to the DACH meeting. It was the Durham Advisory Committee on Homelessness. I would have preferred to get the extra half hours sleep, but I was instructed by the Nurse Practitioner to attend, so off I went. I worked at a Street Health Services Centre for Homeless and impoverished people as a counsellor, receptionist, tech support and jack of all trades. It was my job to attend. Bleary eyed I remember one of the counsellors came in to tell us that a plane had struck the World Trade Centre. I thought with all the air traffic going in and out of New York this probably was another case of an under-skilled pilot. It was probably a Cessna. She wanted to listen to the radio, but was voted down. Democracy is at it's best when everyone is hopelessly unaware of the situations. We continued the meeting and at the end relented and turned on the radio. It was at that moment that the second plane struck. I thought what a coincidence. The meeting adjourned and we left to the centre.

It was there we learned that it wasn't just a little plane but two very large passenger planes. I knew then that something was terribly wrong. I sat in awe as we listened to the radio updates. People were jumping to their death and the Nurse Practitioner and I held hands and prayed. After that I was ordered back to work. I didn't feel much like tackling the endless stacks of paper that were piled on my three desks (none of which I was ever at for very long). I decided to pay a visit to the hospital where a client of mine had just given birth. This client was a chronic drug user and supported her habit by becoming a prostitute. This tough hardened street person suffered from fetal alcohol syndrome and it amazed me that she had lasted on the street for as long as she did. She had wanted to keep the baby, but was already red flagged by C.A.S. I thought I would pay her a visit and perhaps get a glimpse of the the new baby.

I got to the hospital and parked my scooter carrying my full faced helmet with me. The halls were empty and I made my way up to emergency counter. I didn't know where the client was, but I was sure they would tell me. I walked into the the Emergency room and immediately was stopped by a crowd of people huddled shoulder to shoulder. Doctors, security, patients, visitors and nurses all stood huddled around the tiny TV set in the emergency ward. No one was speaking. The towers fell and a gasp went up from the crowd. People were sobbing. I stood in awe as I watched the towers fall. I was speechless. I learned that it was a terrorist attack and I worried about my cousin who was trapped now in the States. I prayed a lot and finally remembered that I was there to visit a client. The nurse at the desk seemed almost happy to rip her eyes from the screen and looked up my client. I was told where to do and went so immediately, I couldn't stomach the sight of people jumping for their lives or the towers falling again. I went to visit her.

She was doing well, but had been immediately separated from her child. I filled out a form 14 which allowed me to speak to the nurses and visit the baby. Up to the Maternity ward I went. The baby was in an incubator and was sleeping peacefully. The baby was full term, had ten perfect fingers and toes and she slumbered not knowing anything had ever happened. The most traumatic thing she had experienced was being born. The nurses had said amazingly enough that the child had not suffered at all from withdrawal (which is common with drug use during pregnancy) and the child was fully formed and was expected to be placed in a foster home shortly. It was still in an incubator as a precautionary measure. I was offered the opportunity to hold the child. I refused not wanting to wake such sleeping innocents for something so trivial as my want to hold a new born. It was at that moment that the world came shifting into perspective. Although it seemed like the world had stopped and would be forever changed, I knew that else where new babies were being born. The world would keep spinning and although it may be changed the world hadn't ended on that fateful day. I placed my hand on the plastic and prayed for health and love for the new baby girl and told her that I was adopted too and she would find a home and love just like I had. I told her that her mother loved her just as she had asked me to do and I left the hospital crying for another reason. I was crying for joy that against all odds, this tiny little life seemed to thrive.

When I came home that evening I avoided the living room. The news was on and the towers kept falling over and over again. To this day I have only seen the footage once and once was enough. I always think of that little baby on this day, and now at 12 I wonder how she is doing. I also think of the people in the tower and on the plane and their families, how the horror has never stopped for them.

Dating with a disability

 Life is full of surprises!

 

Recently I have become single again. My last girlfriend was pretty understanding about Multiple Sclerosis. The thought occurs to me, that I may find it difficult to find another person who is understanding about M.S. I mean let's face it. Who wants to get involved with someone who periodically may be in a wheelchair, or may end up in a wheelchair for life? Day to day life in uncertain. You never know what will happen from one day to the next, for someone with M.S. It could even be an hourly change. How does one go about disclosing that he or she has MS when they are looking for a potential life partner. I wouldn't want to get three dates into a relationship and drop that kind of a bomb shell, but I seriously wonder if this won't hamper my ability to form a relationship in the future.

It takes a very understanding person to date someone with an invisible illness. How ever that being said, I am stronger than most people. My ability to accept and understand change is huge. What do you think, would you date someone with a chronic illness. Should I be concerned?

The sum of my parts!

I am more than a sum of my parts!

I'm gay. It's not a secret. I haven't been in the closet for years. Some how though it is the first thing that comes up when people are speaking to me. Okay sure, I'm butch and and probably a walking stereo type of what people think when they think a lesbian should look like. It is who I am, but it is not all that I am. I am much more than my love orientation (I hate the term sexual orientation because first thing people think about is sex!)

When I'm suffering from an MS attack the first thing people see is my cane, or walker, or wheel chair. I am more than the apparatus that helps me walk. I am more than my battle with MS and Depression. It is a fight, and one that I probably won't win. By God I hope they come up with a cure and I do hold out hope, but the inevitable battle still goes on. If MS wants a fight, I will go out kicking and screaming against it.

There are different faces that I wear in any given situation. When I am at Karate I have my training face on, when I am with my child I have my Mom face on, when I am with my parents I have my child face on. All of these faces are me. There is so much more to me than the face that I put on, there is a whole big brain beneath that face that allows me to make choices and create things and inside my head I look different than what I look like on the outside.

So the next time you see someone walking down the street and you judge them by just one thing, remember it says more about you than it does about them.