It's quite noticeable
when you enter my home the haunting melody of my space heater. To
most people it is an annoyance, the constant squeak, squeak squeak of
the heater as it churns out heat and a pretty (albeit) fake flame.
To me it is a sound of my child hood. It reminds me of a double
wooden glider swing that my parents had in my childhood. It wasn't
around for many years, it was replaced with a well hung swing in my
youth, and then a double swing for my wedding. But the sound of it's
squeaky hinges still remind me of my childhood days of imagining on
that swing. I can close my eyes and picture it vividly in my minds
eye. Eventually, as most outdoor equipment does, it had to be
removed because of weather and wear, but I loved it none the less.
The sound often makes me wonder what kind of things my daughter will
remember as she grows up. What strange sounds and smells will
comfort her? The smell of fresh beef makes me think of a warm hug as
my father would come home from a long day cutting meat and greet me
with a firm embrace. These things hold little value to someone else,
but to me they mean the world, my world and I wonder what strange
footprints I've left in my child's memory.
Monday, 27 October 2014
Saturday, 25 October 2014
He
He keeps me warm even
when he is not there to hold me
He makes my heart skip
beats when I am near
He kisses me and steals
my breath away
He smiles and lights
the room in brilliant colours
He wraps arms around me
and I feel safe
He touches me and my
flesh tingles
He whispers my name and
it sounds like an angel singing
He is the one I want
with all my heart.
What a difference in
the world and S makes. It's just a simple letter 19th
letter in the alphabet, but oh how important it is. Suddenly with
the S it becomes a problem, oh such a problem that little letter is.
Instead of the poem being now for the general public, it becomes PG
13, as if you have to explain to your children what the big
difference is between loving a person of the same gender or sex as
the opposite one. That little S gets in the way. I know people have
told me “I just can't seem to wrap my head around it.” And I
really wonder why its so hard. It's just a little S. Add it or
subtract it as the case implies and there you have a simple answer.
It's the exact same thing now isn't it. The S just changes from He to
She or vice versa and that's all you need to explain. The intimacy
of the other “S” feature that people seem to worry about what
does it matter? It's just an S.
Friday, 24 October 2014
Sometimes you just gotta laugh or cry, but mostly laugh
I love to laugh, and
usually it's at myself. I imagine I'm some sort of character in a
newspaper cartoon always getting herself into trouble or mishaps of
some sort. Perhaps I'm the lesbian Mr. Bean, (albeit I'd like to
think I'm a little more attractive). Having MS is kind of a big
downer most of the times, but I always find time to laugh at myself
and therefore laugh in the face of this stupid disease. It's not
that MS has lowered my IQ by any stretch of the imagination, but it
does play little tricks on my attention and therefore my short term
memory is kinda shot to hell. It's also not the case of I was the
most observant person out there either. I'm well known for putting
my clothes on backwards or inside out. In fact if any of my loved
ones is reading this, when I die, please put something of mine on
backwards so people will actually know it's me. One of my ex
girlfriends used to say, “Pam I'll know you have been cheating on
me the day you come home with your clothes on the right way.”
Although I'd never cheat, it's a pretty accurate description of how
unobservant I actually am. Case in point. This week I have a
particularly nasty flu bug that has left me pretty bed ridden and in
a fog of medication. I decided to eat an orange that I had purchased
a few days earlier. My mouth watered in anticipation. I always have
felt that an Orange always tastes the best when you have a cold or
the flu. I carefully cut up my orange and noticed that the inside
was red. I counted myself lucky that I had purchased a bag of blood
oranges and carefully cut it up into little smiles. I probably
should have clued in at that point, but I was very high on cold
medication and had a fever. I took a much anticipated bite into a
grapefruit. My word I thought my brain was going to melt. My face
puckered and I started to choke on the juice. Excellent. Realizing
what I had done and feeling foolish I struggled with the rest of my
fruit. I needed the vitamin c anyhow. I had to laugh. Another
example was earlier on today I went to the store and bought some
Buckley's cough medication. I know it tastes bitter, but I also know
it works. My daughter got a good chuckle at me as I gagged down my
medication and shouted “Oh my god”, which was not so much of a
curse, but more of a prayer that my taste-buds might fall off or
something. Why they can't flavour it like dirt or something more
edible is beyond me. Anyhow, to all of you out there, please take
time to laugh, at least at yourself. Sometimes you just gotta laugh
instead of cry. Makes life a little more easy :D
Tuesday, 21 October 2014
Hallowe’en Horror
First let me begin this post
by saying I'm really not a prude, nor a violent person. Really I'm
not, but this time of year makes me angry enough to rip off ears. I
am a woman. I have had my fair share of misogynistic abuse over the
years and I'm proud to say that I'm not a man hater. No I'm a stupid
people hater and Halloween brings out the worst in me. The costumes
are definitely getting creepier and creepier and not for the right
reasons. The difference between the adult female costumes and the
little girls costumes is they have dropped the “sexy” label from
it. It's still as short and it's still disgusting. As a single mom
I have tried to instill in my daughter that she can do anything. She
wants to be a surgeon. I don't imagine that it would be advantageous
for her to wear high heels and a mini skirt to preform a life saving
operation. Why would I dress her as such? She's also 11 and I don't
want my child to be visualized in any sexual manner. The thought
makes me envision my own Halloween horror film in my own head.
Skirts aren't really practical for a lot of things. I can't imagine
showing up to the dojo wearing a brushed cotton heavy weight mini
skirt along with my gi. I think the look on my Sensei's face would
be priceless though, he might laugh so hard he pulls something and
doesn't throw the floor at me repeatedly. So why the difference in
kids costumes for Halloween? Why are we trying to make a 4 year old
sexual? I thank the good lord above that none of these little
costumes have come to my door. It's so hard to parent from prison.
I do believe I might just “go postal” (they don't wear skirts
either incidentally) a beat the parents into a bloody pulp fitting
for Hallowe’en. Why are you dressing up your kids like lures for
paedophiles? And why are you teaching your little girl that their
uniform has got to be different from the “real” looking one.
What women can't be firefighters, police, or military, I don't see
them in skirts to save lives! Lets get with the times people.
Saturday, 18 October 2014
To the beat of a different drum or a road not taken
I recall when I was a young girl,
I got a note from a teacher at the end of the school year saying “Pam
you march to the beat of a different drum, don't ever change.” I
didn't quiet fully understand until much later what he actually
meant. To this day I can't say to which portion of my life he was
referring to and to be honest I've probably spent a fair great deal
of time reflecting on that statement. It's amazing how few words can
take up so much of your time, or perhaps it's just me. I try and see
things at every angle, certainly one of the angles I have pondered
has to be closest to the truth. I have decided that the statement
encompasses all aspects of my life. I make my way along a road less
travelled and certainly I have come across the most interesting
people there. Some stay in my life for long periods of time and some
blow across my path like leaves caught in an puff of wind skittering
and dancing across my path. Some of those people I meet flit in and
out of my life like a squirrel jumping from one branch to another and
others they appear and leave for great lengths of time just like a
bird flying home from a winter away. All have been interesting in
one way or another. I have given myself to them in one shape or form
and the most precious gift we can give someone is our time. That is
truly giving of ones self. Perhaps that teacher was correct I do
march to the beat of a different drummer. Perhaps that is why my
life hasn't been typical and has lead to some isolation and
lonesomeness, but I wouldn't trade that for a road more travelled and
the mundane. Here is my favourite poem by Robert Frost:
The
Road Not Taken
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I —
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I —
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
Friday, 10 October 2014
Thanksgiving
I went
shopping the other day and bought a lot more groceries than I usually
would. It's thanksgiving this weekend and the food made me want to
rush home and start cooking. There are only two of us this year and
it seemed like such a waste to buy more food than just for the two of
us. But, ever since I have owned my own home I have always bought
more food than usual. This is because there is always room at my
table. Always. I believe that when you are cooking a large meal
like this you should always make room for more people. There are
people in this world who are hurting, who are alone, and seeing that
we are all family due to the fact we are all humans we should open
our homes to people. It may seem a waste to have enough food for 10
people, but heck I'll have left overs and I'm sure the local drop in
centre could always use some good food. This thanksgiving make sure
you have room enough for one or two more at least. If you leave it
empty it is sure to be filled. If only for this one day to be
thankful for all you have, even though it may not be much, open your
tables and your hearts to your fellow man.
Ephesians
3:14-19New International Version (NIV)
14 For this reason I kneel before the Father, 15 from
whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. 16 I pray
that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power
through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell
in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and
established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s
holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love
of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that
you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
Paul wrote this in prison, suffering for what he believed in and what he stood for. No matter how great his suffering he still urged us to love each other with the love of Christ, a love and peace that surpasses all understanding. We should all take this as an example. No matter what you are going through, love each other.
This isn't just a message to our fellow Christians but to all out there, it doesn't matter what you believe in. It doesn't matter whom you worship, or what god you kneel to. But simply love your fellow man, this is one day that is universal. Be thankful for what you have and share what you have, even if it is only yourself you can share. Sit at each others tables, enjoy the human experience. Bond. And share the best thing you have to offer which is yourself.
To my fellow believers in Yahweh, be it Jew or Christian I leave you with this:
Numbers 6:24-26New King James Version (NKJV)
24“The Lord bless you and keep you; 25 The Lord make His face shine upon you, And be gracious to you; 26 The Lord lift up His countenance upon you, And give you peace.” Amen
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