Things to try to help people with depression that really aren't helping

We all have a friend who suffers from depression. According to the Canadian Association for Mental Health one person in five suffers from mental health. The latest research from the World Health Organization states that one in four people will suffer some form of neurological disorder or mental health issue. If you have Multiple Sclerosis your odds increase to one in two. That means that half of the people who are diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis will end up suffering from depression.

I find it ironic that I worked for so long in the mental health field just to end up battling my own mental health issues. I would be one of those 50% who suffers from it. Some days are better than others. Some days are much worse.

I understand people want to help those who suffer from mental illness, but they just don't have the tools or have no clue how to help someone with depression. I try very hard to remember that these well meaning people aren't trying to be offensive, or to do more damage. Sometimes it's very hard. These are some of them:

1. At least you have your health. Ah yes. Such as it is. Just because I'm not whining about my “condition” every 5 minutes doesn't mean it's gone away. I've got MS for life. Sure I may LOOK like I'm doing okay, but I have this terrible disease that won't ever go away. Just because I may be walking okay at the moment doesn't mean there isn't a plethora of things going on physiologically. I'm just not complaining about it.

2. Just try to think positive. Really? Thank you for assuming I am not intelligent enough to try this on my own. If you saw someone in a wheelchair would you tell them hey just think you can walk and eventually you will be able to. Has nothing to do with severed nerves it's a state of mind.

3. We all get sad some times you just have to cheer up. Why don't you go out and have some fun? This statement is completely asinine for so many different reasons. Yes everyone gets sad and gets over it. Depression isn't like that. Imagine someone dear to you died. Everyday. For the rest of your life. Now get over it. That is the kind of “sad” that someone who has depression feels like. If a close friend died would YOU want to go ride roller coasters?

4. You are just having a pity party. You are just feeling sorry for yourself. You are making a mountain out of a mole hill or something of the ilk. Instead of dismissing what the person has to say perhaps listen to them. If someone with depression trusts you enough to talk to you it says a lot. Maybe to you because you don't understand the illness or can't see things from their paradigm they appear to be having a pity party. To a person with depression you just clarified to them that their feelings don't matter, and that you aren't willing to listen to what they have to say. On top of that you have told them that they are not worth enough to listen to and the things they feel aren't valid.

5. You'll get over it. No. Someone with Multiple Sclerosis won't get over having MS. No someone who suffers from Depression won't get over it. Sure we all hope for a cure, but even if they did cure MS tomorrow what about the 50% who are depressed?

I know it's exhausting to have a friend with any sort of disability. Is it a wonder why people with disabilities isolate themselves? Think before you speak. If you want to say something, check out the picture on the top of the page.  Try one of those, but only if you mean it!