Someone you know lives
with a mental illness
I think coming out of the
closet with a mental illness was probably harder than coming out of
the closet as a lesbian. Sure I had to deal with people
thinking“it's only a phase, you were married to a man before”,
but at least it was somewhat talked about. When you come out of the
mental illness closet, no one wants to talk about it. I suffer from
clinical depression. Many people with Multiple Sclerosis have this.
The particular cause of it is unknown as there are many factors of
the disease it's self that can cause depression. What I can say is
that I never was depressed before I got MS.
I suffer from something
called Pseudobulbar affect (PBA),
emotional lability, labile affect or emotional incontinence. Sounds
like something in the bladder doesn't it? What it looks like for me
when I get a flare up is uncontrollable crying over silly little
things like getting the wrong sandwich and crying like I just
suffered the death of a close relative. Sometimes it takes the form
of laughter which is far worse. Ever laughed so hard you couldn't
breathe? Usually you snap out of it long enough to gasp for air, but
in my case I can't snap out of it. My body is laughing and inside I
am screaming for air panicking that perhaps I may just die laughing.
I've learned a trick to stop the laughter, I have to shock my system
in my case a slap in the face usually does it. Not just a little tap
either, I'm talking finger prints left on the side of my face.
Despite the pain, the humiliation of having to do this in public is
far worse.
Due
to MS, I have lesions on the part of my brain that controls emotions
and motor control. These lesions are scars marking permanent damage
to area's of my brain. Because of Neuroplasticity, my brain is able
to compensate for the damaged area's that control motor skills,
However; the brain is unable to compensate for the emotional area's
of the brain and has left me with damage. This damage presents it's
self as severe depression. In order to help with the depression my
doctors have prescribed Celexa which is an SSRI (selective
serotonin reuptake inhibitor ). This does not cure depression,
nor does it completely alleviate all the symptoms of depression, but
it does make it possible to function during the day somewhat.
Antidepressants are one of the top drug prescribed in North America
today.
Most
people think that simply by swallowing a pill depression can be
cured, and the terrible truth is there really is no cure for severe
depression. Situational depression occurs when someone is depressed
about the situation that they are in and generally clears up when the
situation stabilizes or dissipates. In the case of severe depression,
it is a chemical imbalance and in cases where brain damage occurs
(such as MS) it is permanent.
So
what does this mean for me specifically? It means that for the
duration of my life, I will not only have to battle with MS, but also
with depression. Depression will taint every aspect of my life, and
just like MS steals little pieces of me physically, depression will
steal little bits of my joy and happiness. It means that I will have
to endure people telling me to “cheer up”, or “snap out of it”,
or the dreaded “if you change your attitude you can get over this”.
The truth of the matter is, if I could do that I wouldn't be
clinically depressed in the first place. If I were able to clear
this dark cloud that hangs over my life, don't you think I would have
done that already? It is simple human ignorance (meaning not
educated) that causes people to say such things. People want to
help. They see you suffering and want to alleviate it, but these
words do more harm than good.
