Happy New Year

Happy New Year

It's been weeks since I've blogged and I extend my apologies to the select few that have been following my blog. I know that Christmas isn't an excuse for failing to blog, but it's the one I'm picking and I'm sticking with it.

Lots of interesting things have happened in the last couple of months since I've up dated. Speaking of dated I should explain my latest experience dating. I should warn you it is not for the fainthearted. It had been months since my last girlfriend and I had broken up and my best buddy suggested it might do me good to put myself out on the dating scene again. Even if it didn't work, it would be an exercise in dating to prepare myself for the day I can actual date I woman that is compatible. I decided that I would take his advice. After all he had been on some terrible dates and I figured that if worse came to worse we could exchange stories. A saying that was a favourite of my mother, and probably yours comes to mind. If your friends jumped off a cliff would you jump off as well? I should have listened to my mother.

Let me explain something. The dating pool in the urban area that I am in is relatively the size of a coy pond. It is hard to find someone whom friends of yours haven't dated. It is a small population of lesbians. I joined up a dating website to look for the elusive fish of my dreams. The website promised plenty of them so I threw my rod in again. I had successfully dated a girl from the site before. Although things didn't work out for us, I thought perhaps I might have luck again. When a girl whom I hadn't met or known about from the area I am in messaged me, I bravely continued the conversation. She seemed pretty enough, and although our conversations via the internet were not what one would consider intellectual, the were not completely devoid of intellect. We decided to meet a local Tim Hortons (how Canadian). I decided I would bring a friend along just in case. It's not like I don't know how to defend myself, or that I was worried about being assaulted in a local Timmies, but I needed support and a potential out in case things went terribly wrong. Yup I'm a coward.

So I showered and got dressed. I felt guilty that I hadn't bothered to shave my legs, but it wasn't like anyone was going to see them anyhow. (I'm not that type of girl). I picked up my friend and we agreed on ways to get me out of the situation if it turned bad. I parked my SUV and noticed that my date was sitting at a table waiting for me. I thought it was a good sign. We entered the shop and wandered over to the table. My adrenaline began pumping. I'm a very outgoing person, and I like to think that I am well spoken, but when it comes to girls I tend to be interested in, I turn stupid. I mean, I am sure there are some women that find elmer fudd attractive, but it tends to make me self conscious. My “date” turn her head as I spoke, she failed to stand and greet me. I thought it odd, but chalked it up to nerves, after all if I turn into elmer fudd, perhaps she might suffer the same problem.

Perhaps it was the adrenaline that was coursing through my veins that allowed me to take in the situation so quickly, or perhaps it was as obvious as a smack in the face. She greeted me staring only at my friend, which was fine. It allowed me to get a side profile of her face. The first thing I notice was that at Noon this woman’s pupils failed to dilate. I mean, I had to really look to see if they were there at all. She was stoned. The second thing I noticed was her teeth. I'm a big fan. There was a gap in the front ones where she had lost one of her incisors. Now things happen, I'm not going to judge, but the rest of her teeth were a strange orange colour. It looked like she hadn't brushed them in weeks.

My friend and I stood awkwardly as my “date”sat. I suggested we move to a table that would accommodate all of us. I wanted to run out the door, but I have my dignity and I firmly believe that other people should have theirs. As she stood up to move, I noticed what she was wearing, finally tearing my gaze off her mouth. She was wearing pyjama pants. In fact I highly doubted that she had gotten dressed at all this afternoon. Rather she rolled out of bed and went on a date. As we sat I asked my friend if she was thirsty. Ironically she wasn't. Neither was I. I offered a drink to my “date” and fished out some money so she could get one. As she sauntered to the counter, I looked at my friend. The words I spoke roughly translated to, “Please provide me an excuse to leave. I don't believe that this woman and I are right for each other and I would like to expedite our leaving as quickly as possible.” What I said was, “get me the fuck out of here!” I didn't have to say a word, my friend had already been planning our escape. I stifled the urge to get up and run out of Timmies, more because I didn't know if my friend could keep up, and I still wanted to have some shred of dignity. I suddenly didn't feel guilty about failing to shave my legs.

When she came back, we watched as she checked her blood sugar and licked the blood off her fingertip. He blood sugar was 36. Considering it should be between 4 and 7 I feared for this woman's safety. I also cursed my need to care about every human being out there. I offered to drive her to the hospital, and winced when she took a sip of the sprite she had purchased. No it wasn't diet. She administered a dose of insulin and told me she was fine. She had been in a diabetic comma before and wasn't concerned. Her sugar was often extremely high. I took her word for it and made up some lie regarding my friend and a doctors appointment. I typically don't lie, but I didn't want her to cause a scene in Tim Hortons.

I think there were con trails off the back of my SUV as we drove out of the parking lot. I was torn between laughing and crying. I changed my mind about the size of the dating pond in my area. I truly believe that the coy pond had become radioactive. Wow, was the only word my friend and I could speak for a half an hour. I regretted my decision to have a witness to my complete failure at dating.

So the moral of this story is.... Sometimes your friends don't give you good advice.