The Great Wave

You've probably seen the painting before. It is the Great wave of Kanagawa by: Hishikawa Moronobu. To some it reminds them of the great winds that saved Japan from the attacking Chinese army, which is where we get the term Kamikaze from. Most people think that Kamikaze is the name given to the planes that flew into allied ships and yards during world war 2. Kamikaze actually means divine wind and refers to the typhoons that had the Japanese during both invasions of the Mongolian army. (Apparently history really does repeat it's self.) Regardless this painting is not of that moment in history. It's just a bunch of fisherman who had run into a rogue wave off the shores of Kanagawa with Mount Fiji looking on in the back ground. I find this painting hypnotic for some reason. The wave looks like it has fingers ready to pluck the fisherman out of the boats and to their water deaths. Sometimes I imagine myself and my life as one of the fisherman sometimes. I'm holding on to my boat terrified that this gigantic wave will smash my fragile little boat into pieces and I will be tossed among the swell and to my death. Sometimes I feel as if I am the boat. I see this wave coming and I am responsible for all of the people that I carry. This obstacle threatens to rip me apart at my seams, but if I fail my passengers will all drown. I must survive for their benefit. Rarely, but it does happen, I feel as if I am the wave. I'm just a wave with no intent or thought, but by my existence people are thrown up against me. All a wave wants is to continue to roll before it breaks upon the shore.

I've decided to sew this piece of artwork onto a canvas. It's a foot and a quarter by a foot and a half. It's the largest canvas I've ever attempted. Usually I embroider for other people. I spend weeks at a time creating pieces of art for them, putting each stitch lovingly in place. I tend to concentrate on the person and reflect on them while I am creating this gift. This time I am sewing something for myself. I've found it a little more difficult. This creation will take months to complete, and I'm having a problem putting it down. It's always good to do some quiet introspection, but really who wants to contemplate yourself for several months. I love the painting so much I want to see it done, I love watching how each piece I sew brings it that much closer to finish. So I sit and sew and ponder. Sometimes I contemplate my novel and try and finish more of the story in my head, after all it is a little piece of me isn't it?

What does this have to do with sex anyhow?

I generally don't follow the news. I probably should, but typically it upsets me so I avoid it. I think the media tends to over play things and it takes the humanity out of what is actually happening. Today I picked up the paper and it made my blood boil. It's the local Oshawa this week and it's been a while since I've had to walk away from an article 3 times just to calm down. It's a simple article about sex education in our public school systems. It's always been a hot bed topic for public school. I understand that. What really set me off was the very first paragraph of the entire article. It is this:

“When Christine Moyer’s six-year-old daughter came home from school in November and said her class had learned that “a family can have two mommies,” the Whitby mother was shocked. As self-described “observant Christians,” the local woman says she and her husband have concerns about “sensitive” issues such as sex, same-sex relationships and gender identity being taught in the elementary grades. “

Wait what? What has this got to do with sex? There are lots of different families in this world, single moms and dads, split families, blended families, birth families, adopted families, interracial families, families of every colour and religion, there is a plethora of shapes and sizes that families come in. No one discusses sex when it comes to them, but all of a sudden we are having to have sit down conversations about sex with a 6 year old when it's two women or two men? What does sex have to do with it? Here is the thing, your religion may say (or you might think it might say) that it's against god's law, but here in the real world things exist if you don't like it or not. Take anchovies for example, I don't like them, but they exist I just choose not to eat them. Just because I don't like them doesn't mean I can tell my child that they don't exist, it would be asinine. Mrs. Moyer, I exist. I really do. So does my child. We are a family. We go to school, are involved in extra curricular activities and we are a part of this great country Canada. You can not approve of us all you want, but we do do exist. So do ethnocentric, ignorant, and hateful people and unfortunately I have to explain YOUR existence to my child and it has nothing to do with bedrooms that have doors. It has nothing to do with acts by consenting adults and NOTHING to do with anything but people wanting to remain ignorant and think that they have a right to negate something they know NOTHING about. How dare you think that your family is exclusive to the world that there isn't anything other than your family. How dare you make MY child feel insignificant because you just devalued HER entire world. Really if you feel it necessary to explain to a 6 year old the concept of sex just because a family looks different than you do, I seriously question YOUR ability to parent. I grew up in a Christian home, went to church with out fail when I was a child, was active in the church and the community and guess what, I still ended up gay. If you are so worried about the immorality of the public education school system there are options, you can choose to home school your children so that they won't be exposed to my child or myself. But I'm not going to go away nor am I going to deprive my child of the best education that I can offer her because of truly ignorant people such as yourself.

Here is the link to the news

Resolve to not resolve!

Well it is now 2015 and as typical I have decided to skip the resolution part. I've known few people who have actually kept them. The only resolution I have actually kept is to not make any! I think changing yourself for the better should come at any time of the year, regardless of the calendar date. So I spent the first few days of the new year looking back on the last year, what I liked what I didn't like, what went well and what failed miserably.

Part of something I like about myself is that I am innately good person. I would go to any lengths to help a fellow human being. There is an old saying: “if you give a man a fish he is hungry again in an hour. If you teach him to catch a fish you do him a good turn”. Where that is true in most cases, there are some people who just can't catch fish for themselves. Let's face it not everyone on the face of this earth makes a good hunter and gatherer. As Einstein said, “if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.” But I think in living my altruistic life, I tend to loose a sense of myself and my needs. I need to be needed, it's part of my design, but that doesn't mean I should offer myself or my time on a silver platter. I think I've been doing far too much of that of late, and most probably in my entire life. It's not a case of I believe that my help is not valuable, but lets face it we are more apt to spend found money more frivolously than money we have earned. So I am making less calls, less emails, less texts to people. It gives them a chance to reach out to me, to increase my value, my time.

I also undecorated my house this week end, and I'm almost sad to see it go. Although I do hate the hustle and bustle of the season, I to so enjoy the bright twinkle of the lights on my Christmas tree. The season has left me a little drained, which is why it took me forever to get my home back to the state it was in before the holidays. I'm taking my time, gathering spoons so to speak. When there is less snow and I get a warmer day I will remove the antlers and nose from my SUV. For now it can stay, it is rather useful, I can spot my vehicle in a parking lot even when I forget where I have parked. :D Happy new year all!

Reserves

Good morning people of the internet, did you miss me when I was gone?

Ah New Years a time for new beginnings. I spent New Years with people who are like grandparents to my child. I listened to some very old records, some of which turned out to be a kick butt collection of rolling stones originals. This morning I woke with a sore back and weakness in my legs. I just thought I'd mention to all you folks with MS out there, how important it is to take time to recharge your battery. There are many explanations and scenarios to explain fatigue and MS. Really they do need a new name, fatigue just doesn't cover the crushing exhaustion that people with MS have to deal with. For me the best explanation is the reserve tank theory. If you have ever driven a motorcycle you know that one thing a motorcycle doesn't usually come with is a way to read how much gas you actually have. I know it's kind of a useful gadget. So instead of a gauge to tell you how much you have there is a little switch usually located on the petcock valve, somewhere really inconvenient, to drop the bike into the reserve tank mode. Having MS is kinda like running your life on reserve mode. You are never quite sure just when you are going to run out of gas/energy. Sometimes you can feel it, there are signs you start to sputter and you have a sinking feeling that you just might be out. Sometimes you are so busy with life that it creeps up on you like a thief in the night. December is almost always a bad time of year for me. Stress tends to burn up the gas faster, then you add shopping and wrapping to the mix and you have a real gas guzzler. Don't forget all the extra cooking and cleaning that you have to do. So suddenly I shift from riding high on a little Enduro, to driving a Gold wing. So right now I'm running on fumes. I've spent days sewing on the couch (for fun and relaxation instead of stressing out sewing gifts lol) to try and reclaim some of that gas back. Some people might think that a little down time is nice, but really truth be told I'd rather be doing something, any thing, but I know I just can't. All of my gas is ear marked for my kid. I'm a single mom and if I don't do it, it doesn't get done. I'm still waiting for the self cleaning house, or the dinner making stove.

So take it from me, sometimes you just need to recharge. I'm thankful for my friends who understand this. Last night I wanted to go swimming, I really wanted to hang with my friends, but I just couldn't gather enough steam to do it. They understood and showed up at my door with some impromptu chi tea and company. I think sometimes without good friends I'd be a shut in for sure. It's a simple thing to do. Provide company to someone, to take time out from busy schedules to just enjoy a conversation, but it means so much to people in my position. Especially when they can turn a blind eye to Christmas mess that is still hovering about my house. It also helps that my child can go over to their house and socialize at anytime. Having MS doesn't just effect me, but my child. It helps that I know that she has a safe place to go when I am trying to recharge and that I don't have to rely solely on modern technology to make up for my short comings. I am thankful for my friends who make me feel human again and not just the sum of my parts.