Reserves

Good morning people of the internet, did you miss me when I was gone?

Ah New Years a time for new beginnings. I spent New Years with people who are like grandparents to my child. I listened to some very old records, some of which turned out to be a kick butt collection of rolling stones originals. This morning I woke with a sore back and weakness in my legs. I just thought I'd mention to all you folks with MS out there, how important it is to take time to recharge your battery. There are many explanations and scenarios to explain fatigue and MS. Really they do need a new name, fatigue just doesn't cover the crushing exhaustion that people with MS have to deal with. For me the best explanation is the reserve tank theory. If you have ever driven a motorcycle you know that one thing a motorcycle doesn't usually come with is a way to read how much gas you actually have. I know it's kind of a useful gadget. So instead of a gauge to tell you how much you have there is a little switch usually located on the petcock valve, somewhere really inconvenient, to drop the bike into the reserve tank mode. Having MS is kinda like running your life on reserve mode. You are never quite sure just when you are going to run out of gas/energy. Sometimes you can feel it, there are signs you start to sputter and you have a sinking feeling that you just might be out. Sometimes you are so busy with life that it creeps up on you like a thief in the night. December is almost always a bad time of year for me. Stress tends to burn up the gas faster, then you add shopping and wrapping to the mix and you have a real gas guzzler. Don't forget all the extra cooking and cleaning that you have to do. So suddenly I shift from riding high on a little Enduro, to driving a Gold wing. So right now I'm running on fumes. I've spent days sewing on the couch (for fun and relaxation instead of stressing out sewing gifts lol) to try and reclaim some of that gas back. Some people might think that a little down time is nice, but really truth be told I'd rather be doing something, any thing, but I know I just can't. All of my gas is ear marked for my kid. I'm a single mom and if I don't do it, it doesn't get done. I'm still waiting for the self cleaning house, or the dinner making stove.

So take it from me, sometimes you just need to recharge. I'm thankful for my friends who understand this. Last night I wanted to go swimming, I really wanted to hang with my friends, but I just couldn't gather enough steam to do it. They understood and showed up at my door with some impromptu chi tea and company. I think sometimes without good friends I'd be a shut in for sure. It's a simple thing to do. Provide company to someone, to take time out from busy schedules to just enjoy a conversation, but it means so much to people in my position. Especially when they can turn a blind eye to Christmas mess that is still hovering about my house. It also helps that my child can go over to their house and socialize at anytime. Having MS doesn't just effect me, but my child. It helps that I know that she has a safe place to go when I am trying to recharge and that I don't have to rely solely on modern technology to make up for my short comings. I am thankful for my friends who make me feel human again and not just the sum of my parts.