An open letter to the child at my daughter's school who was so cruel

Dear child,

Perhaps you weren't aware how much you hurt and humiliated my daughter by pointing out to the entire class that her father is an alcoholic. I know you were frustrated with the basketball game, perhaps you let your temper get the best of you. I know sometimes tempers flare, she might have even been a little bossy (she gets like that sometimes like most kids), as adults we forgive them and try and guide them to do better. I'm sure you must know this as you pointed out “your dad coached basketball, and what did she know her father is an alcoholic”.

Perhaps you don't realize even what this means because you've grown up with a Dad who has been there for you teaching you, guiding you and loving you. It's obvious that he's spent a lot of time with you because you were so proud of the fact that he was a coach, proud of him. Child I pray to God that you never understand what having an alcoholic as a father truly means. I hope when you grow up and have children that they never have to experience what she has gone through. No child should have to be ashamed and afraid of and afraid for their father.

You won't know what it's like because your Dad is sober, he's a Dad. You are proud of your dad, she is embarrassed by her father. You get to experience things she will never get to experience, like having your Dad at  school functions, taking you camping, or being there Christmas morning as you come down the stairs to open your gifts. You get your Dad for things like family dinners , help with your homework, even discipline and to take care of you when you are sick. He's there for you to ask questions to and to guide you in life. She has never experienced any of those things. Ever.

You probably don't know how much it hurt her and humiliated her because she has had a lot of practice putting on a brave face, pretending that it doesn't bother her. I've had to watch in horror as she has learned over the last 12 and a half years to perfect that face. To laugh and joke about things she should really be crying about. But I know the difference I'm her Mom. I've been there for every play, every award, every day for all of her life. I have shared with her the good times and the bad times, every heart ache and disappointment she has ever had. I've been there, because I have to be, because I choose to be, because I want to be. She is the bravest person you or I have ever met, even though you don't know it.

What I want from you child who spoke so thoughtlessly, is tonight,when you hug your Dad , hug him twice because she can't hug hers. Cherish every minute with him that you can, if not for your own sake but for hers. Be glad when he is angry with you or frustrated with you because he's there. When he disciplines you be thankful that he cares enough for you to do so. Be extra proud of him because she's so ashamed of her own father.

My hope for you child is that you never have to experience the pain that she has had in her life. That no one is as cruel to you as you were to her (even if you don't understand it). That you enjoy having a two parent family and relish it. I hope no one in your family looses everything to alcohol like her father has. I also hope that you Dad teaches you how better to control your words because they can damage just as much as anything else.

I hope you never look down on anyone else in your life unless you are helping them up.