Sometimes you need to choose from the lesser of two evils

I must apologize, I haven't updated my blog in some time. In karate I had tried to do a forward roll and ended up straining my shoulder. When I went to the hospital, the doctor was actually dumbfounded that my collar bone was not broken and sent me on my way with some pain killers and some anti-inflammatories. I went to Karate in a sling and worked on my left hand which by birth is my weaker hand, and by MS my gimpy hand. Things were going well, BUT then I suffered a minor attack. I was exhausted and had to drag out my cane(s) and hobble around. I attempted class a few times, but then I became so exhausted with the mundane things in life that I could no longer practice. I was disheartened as I had a tournament coming up. As the week of the tournament drew closer my legs started to ease and I was able to attend the tournament with out my cane. I wanted to participate. It was the first time my dojo had gone to a tournament under the new name and I really wanted to do self defense and sparing. My dojo mates and my Sensei felt it would have been too much and in truth it would have been. Having MS means sometimes you have to choose the lesser of two evils. I could have competed but I would have been two exhausted to drive home safely. I chose to be a good Mom and be able to drive home safely. I did enjoy watch the children, and dojo mates compete and cheered them on, but I knew that health comes at a great cost. Regardless of my or others disappointments, we must all be cognizant of our health needs, sometimes this means missing out on the things that you don't want to. Sometimes it means that you have to listen to your loved ones even if it means disappointing some of them, because after all those who love you will eventually understand. The right thing to do is never the easy thing or at least in my life it isn't. I also realized that the odds of finding someone who is going to date me regardless of my illness is slim to none. I can't blame them. Things happen in life and we all after to decide if we are going to screw our courage to the sticking place or not, but starting out something new with a disability is probably very unlikely. MS is a thief each year that passes it steals something from me and I have to recalibrate who I am. I guess in this latest attack I realized that the ability to find a partner in life has been stolen as well or at least the odds of finding such a person becomes remote. Given that I only have 5% of the population to choose said mate from the odds become less and less as time progresses with my disease. But in replacing the loss for the ability to find someone to spoon with, I have gained so much more in finding out who my true family and friends are and what is important for me. My daughter has always been the most important thing in my life and I have sacrificed greatly for her, if I look at this loss as a sacrifice for her, then the loss becomes less painful and begrudging. Again it is one more change to my life that I will have to adapt to, and if there is anything that this disease has done for me it has given me the ability to adapt quickly.