You take the good you take the bad

Yesterday was a particularly hard day for me. My ex husband for the second day in a row made my child cry. There is only so much pizza you can throw at a child. I had soothed her to the best of my ability. Mommy's work is never done. I decided to phone a friend, I needed to sooth my emotional needs. This friend I had stood up for, received calls from at all hours of the night and loved to the best of my ability. I thought certainly she would not hesitate to take my call. Suddenly instead of getting the emotional support I needed, something I had been so forthcoming in giving her, she had no time for me. I decided that I needed to end this toxic one sided relationship then and there. We all have friends who require more than the average support, but a true friend regardless of the circumstances will always extend there shoulder to give you support in a moment of weakness. I was amazed as this “friend” hurled insults at me and realized yes I had made the right decision. I had started to question the validity of the friendship months ago and decided no matter how much my heart spoke that my gut and my mind needed to win this conversation. It broke my heart, but the funny thing about hearts is that they always mend. The main feeling I feel for her is pity, so I suppose she is right in that I am holding a pity party for one, except my pity isn't directed at me it's at her. I pity her for not realizing that the world comes in all sorts of wonderful colours and the only thing with true value in this world is people. When you serve only yourself you find that you have only yourself for company. For me to put down such a hard line is really unheard of but drastic times call for drastic measures. It reminds me of my counselling years, when I told a particularly stubborn client, “hey if you want some help, help yourself until you do I can't do anything for you.” So I got off the “phone” with her and immediately the texts started coming in from those who truly love me for me. It made me realize that I am truly blessed. It also made me realize that in order for good things to be blessed upon me I had to remove the toxic ones that were taking up the space that could be used for blessings. Surround yourself with those who bless you and you will have your own piece of heaven. I made the choice to surround myself with those who see the value in me and for those people I am truly grateful. Not that my friends won't require my support, but with the people that love me it's a quid pro quo situation. I give them love and they return it. I give them support and if I ever need it they return it too! Some lessons in life are painful, this was one that I sorely needed to learn.