Lesbian Dating update

I guess it's been a while since I've updated the dating front. Those of you who know me on a personal level know that I've been on some seriously terrible dates in the last 2 years. I'm not particularly keen on dating, it's awkward, painful, and sometimes down right funny. When you are a single mom you don't have a whole lot of options. When you are a lesbian and limited to a very small portion of the population, then your options are very limited indeed.

When I broke up with my long term girlfriend well over two years ago, I decided that dating was probably healthy since I hadn't ever done it before. Really I had gone from marriage to long term girlfriend instantaneously and had met my husband when I was 16. I envisioned coffee, dinner, movies and romance. What I got was much much different. When your everyday Karate class is less painful then the dates you go on, it's probably a signal that something is wrong. So I stood back and watched other people to see just where I was going wrong. The more I watched, the more I realized that I have it right in the first place.

First lets define dating shall we? I think Wikipedia has the best definition I've read in the last few days.

“Dating is a part of human mating process whereby two people meet socially for companionship, beyond the level of friendship, or with the aim of each assessing the other's suitability as a partner in an intimate relationship or marriage.”

So dating is kinda figuring out if the person is the right one for a long term relationship or not. That's what I thought. Which makes life even more complicated. I've watched people go from one relationship to the next with out a breath in between. It's almost as if they are defined by whom they are dating, or ruled by their need for physical intimacy. Once you get to the point where you are physically intimate with someone, it goes past dating. It's a relationship no matter how you slice it. I look at it like this, if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it's a duck. So if you are spending time with someone, being physically intimate with someone it's a relationship not dating. You can call a duck an eagle it doesn't make it less than a duck.

It isn't my business whom the women I go out on dates with are dating. There is nothing wrong with testing the waters with other people, but the line gets crossed when they are being intimate with other people. I suppose I'm very old fashioned in some ways, but I have never really been a fan of casual sex. For me, I can't be intimate with someone with out being intimate. So if we are testing the waters for an eventual long term relationship and you are being intimate with someone else I can't date you, or be intimate with you. Not that I'm judging people who can, you just aren't for me. It doesn't mean I think you are a bad person either, just that your morals and values aren't harmonious with mine.

So in the world of online dating, I get confused with the semantics. I don't believe I fit into their nice little categories. I'm not looking for someone to marry right off the hop. (I'm no u haul lesbian), nor am I looking to progress things right away into a long term relationship either. These things I believe take time, and when your soul meets the one that you can't live with out you'll know. But I'm not interested in causally dating women if that means that they expect that I'll end up in bed with them right away either.

I'm currently at a loss for ways of meeting single lesbians. The online world is not working for me, or at least the sites that I have access to aren't working for me. I'm not interested in bar hopping, although I do go from time to time and see if perhaps there is another teetotaller like me there. So if anyone has any suggestions on any better sites or groups that I could partake in I would greatly appreciate the advice. Or knows someone who they think would be a perfect match, I'm not above that either.

And as always please pray for me. Trailblazing the road less travelled is difficult. I have a saying, “my hand in yours” and I'm waiting for the one who responds with “and mine in yours”. So that we can begin to walk the path together equal, separate, two individuals that on their own are unique, strong and beautiful, but together make up a wonderful piece of art. I don't think it's too much to ask for, and I'm not settling for less.

If you are a single (lesbian or not) you shouldn't settle for less than you deserve either. Don't sell yourself short, and don't let the need for intimacy or companionship rule your decisions either. Put the most value in yourself, so that when you find the one, they will value you as much as you do.

God bless