Seeing Mountains.....

Have you ever had a dream so real that you opened your eyes and reality seemed to pale in comparison? Woken yourself up laughing or crying? Felt something so deeply that you could swear you could reach your hand out and touch it? I have dreams like that sometimes. One of them was so real I woke up sobbing.

In my dream I opened my eyes and I was on an air plane. I was traveling and I had no idea where I was going (the first time I had this dream, I had never even been on a commercial plane before). I was exiting the plane and I walked into the airport tunnel disoriented and terrified. Suddenly I felt the warmth of the sun as it streams through a window. I turned my head to see where I was and saw mountains. I fell to my knees and started sobbing in the middle of the airport traffic with people pushing to get passed me. All I could do was marvel at the magnitude of the mountains, and weep as I stared at their beauty. I was suddenly unafraid, I didn't know where I was but I didn't care at all. Nothing mattered any longer, all I could do is marvel how big the mountains were. How majestic they stood with the snow on their peak and the green grass surrounding them. I didn't care that people around me had obviously thought I had skipped a cog. I saw them. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest and I had realized that I was holding my breath. Breathing was no longer a mechanical action and I had to force the air out of my chest, my inhalations were stuttered as my chest hitched. The tears ran down my cheeks and I tried to speak, but no words would come out save for, “My God”. Suddenly hands were on me dragging me away and my heart broke. I just wanted to stand there for an eternity and drink in the vision of them.

In reality it was my girlfriend at the time who was shaking me trying to wake me. In

my sleep I had been repeating “My God” and sobbing. She thought I was having a nightmare. When I went to rub the sleep out of my eyes, I couldn't get over how wet my face was. I wasn't just crying it was completely uncontrolled sobbing. But oh those mountains.

Months later my ex's brother visited and I was sharing my dream with him. Sounds like the airport in Vancouver, he quipped. My mouth fell open as if it became unhinged. He started telling me the view from blah blah terminal and I couldn't even comprehend the words that he was speaking. I just realized that there was actually a place that looked that that. How could I have known what it looked like in such detail. I rationalized that perhaps I must have seen a TV show or movie that had a scene in it that looked like that. Ever since that dream I have wanted to visit.

Since my last MS attack I have had time to think. I want to be able to stand before a mountain. To stand in it's shadow that was there long before me and will be there long after me. I need to stand there in defiance of it. Behold it's beauty. Stand up to it. In the last month several times a day I see posts from my friends about BC. I feel it drawing me like a compulsion.

There is another reason why I want to visit BC. Some of my birth family lives there. It's a curiosity for me to behold someone who shares a genetic make up with me. My Mom and Dad are my Mom and Dad. They are my parents with out question and I love them as any child loves there parents. I just would like to lay eyes on someone else who shares the same DNA as I do, (other than my child). Any of you cringing out there because you know my parents and are worried that they would be hurt need not worry. They love me and support me. They would be curious as heck too.

I need to go there.... I need to see mountains....I need to do it very soon.