Crossing Oceans

“Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place.”

Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

A friend of mine was having a hard time. She had been hurt again. She had expected something different this time. I've often said the definition of insanity is doing something over and over again and expecting a different result (quote attributed to Albert Einstein). But I think that quote takes the humanity and spirituality out of things. It's fine when you contribute it to science, but when it comes to people it doesn't work so well. When dealing with the human factor it should probably be: definition of insanity is doing something over and over again and expecting a different result, but hope for something different and have faith in humanity.

Change comes with the want to change, the want to be something more than what is expected. If you expect things from people then inevitably you will be disappointed. If you hope for something different from them, but expect nothing you won't be disappointed. When people hurt you or disappoint you do not become bitter. Ironically Al Capone said, “Don't mistake my kindness for weakness. I am kind to everyone, but when someone is unkind to me, weak is not what you are going to remember about me.” I think perhaps he meant it in a little differently than I do.

I want people to remember that even when people hurt me it does not change me. It does not change the way I interact with the world and it doesn't make me bitter. Change starts with one, Gandhi said, “Be the change you want to see in this world.” It is a quote pasted on my bedroom wall that greets me every morning. I remember that sometimes the simplest act of kindness can change a persons life. It changed mine.

I used to work with homeless and impoverished people years ago. One of my clients was a drunk. He had lost his entire family due to alcoholism, his career and eventually his life. 2 weeks before he died I wondered into my old place of employment to say hi to my former co-workers. As I left he stopped me outside, reached into his wallet and pulled out the only money he had, which was a five dollar bill. We were not supposed to take money from clients for any reason, it's a conflict of interest thing. “I want you to have this”, he said holding it out to me. “You know I can't take money from you ****.” “I know, it's not for you it's for your daughter, I want you to put it towards her education fund. Please take it.” I looked into his pleading face and as hard as it was I said, “I really can't take this from you, you know that it is against the rules but it is a really sweet offer and very kind.” He wouldn't put it away. He begged me. “Pam, please take this, start an education fund for her, please for me, don't let her become what I have become, let me help her in the only way I can.” Something inside me broke as I took the five dollars from him and choked out the words thank you. You see it was all he had. He literally had nothing. 5 dollars would have bought him a weeks worth of meal tickets at the local soup kitchen. 5 dollars would have bought him a couple of beers that maybe would have staved off the delirium tremens for another day. 5 dollars didn't make that much of a difference to me, but to him it could have made a huge difference perhaps the difference between life and death. He knew this well and still chose to give it to me for her. When I found out he died 2 weeks later I went home and cried. Perhaps that 5 dollars would have saved his life. But he had his dignity. Something money couldn't buy.

It was a completely selfless act. I decided that no matter what I had to be selfless.

If everyone were selfless then we wouldn't have the need to put ourselves first. The only way we can change this selfish world we live in is to be the change we want to see in this world. Change starts with one. You. Expect that people won't change, but never give up hope that they will. You might change someone's life. I know that **** changed mine. Perhaps my actions will cause one other to change some day.