Dichotomous relationships with one's self

As the title says, I have a dichotomous relationship with myself. I have this blog in which the “evil” Pam lets loose, and my other blog in which my everyday self talks about my every day struggles. One of the very few people who know that this blog is me was talking about how interesting it was to see both sides of me. And the thing of it is they are both me. I'm a mixed bag of emotions and personalities, thank god they aren't completely separate, it's just easier to put a name to the masks that we wear. These roles we play in life, Mom, wife, friend, lover, student, teacher, boss, employee, child they are all roles in which we compartmentalize our lives. In my case I've given them names. We all have different roles to play. I think sometimes I just never grew up. I'm still that lonely kid that was desperate to make friends, believing them when they told me I would not end up as anything or amount to anyone, that no one would ever love me and I'd die alone and scared. (And almost direct quote) Although my simple life isn't much, and my hopes and dreams have been stripped from me over the years by the misfortune that is me, I don't believe I am unlovable because I love me. I love that I am willing to take the shirt of my back and give it to someone in need, I love that I would rather do with out than see someone else do with out, I love that I wear my heart on my sleeve. It's not my fault that the world is messed up, but I am not going to change who I fundamentally am because I feel things deeply. Perhaps I am the way the world should be, we should care for each other, love each other, share our lives with each other because our shared experiences are what's important. Perhaps this is why I am an jerk magnet because no one has allowed these individual to have a voice before and my ear is always listening, and my heart always loving. Does this mean that I'm perfect. Heck no, I can be a bit of a jerk, I make mistakes, but the difference between myself and the world is I hold myself to higher standards and no one can make me feel worse about my mistakes in life than I already do. Nor will I lower my standards. It just can't be done. So if this means I am to be awash in the sea of loneliness for the duration of my life so be it. Regardless my inner mean thoughts rarely come out, and those who know me well enough know that even the most evilest spoken word I have I don't really mean. The tongue is Proverbs 18: 21 says “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” So, baring that in mind, I write a blog that lets loose a little, but my spoken lips speak soft and soothing words. It's not that my thoughts and actions are in-congruent, it's just that the dichotomous relationship between my self the good Pam wins. I suppose if you are Freudian you could say that my Super Ego is louder than my Id, and my Ego for that matter. Regardless of what's in a name (would it smell as sweet?) it's all Pamela and I am happy with her.