Starting Over

Starting over

If you would have told me 15 years ago or even 10 years ago I wouldn't have believed it. Having MS makes me an expert at starting over. Sometimes it is relearning how to walk or mentally process things, sometimes it is even deeper like reevaluating who you are and what is important in your life.

These last 7 years I've gone through a particularly nasty divorce and the end of a very long term (albeit toxic) relationship. I've learned how to reevaluate people in my life, how to cope with loss and how to roll with the punches. I believe that if I hadn't have been diagnosed with MS and had to cope with the loss of my limbs, sight and speech I may have handled those endings a little differently, but I've had to roll with the punches. There isn't anyone I can lean on to teach me how to walk. Sure I have had some pretty marvellous physiotherapists, but it was me and only me who put the effort in the gruelling hours learning how to put one foot in front of the other.

So I start over. Sure it is upsetting to end a relationship, just like it is upsetting to loose the use of one's limbs, but I cope. I also don't want to find anyone who wants to take care of me. Help me along the way, perhaps pick me up when I fall, but take care of me.... Never. I hope to find a partner in life who we can take care of each others emotional needs. That is what is important. Perhaps one day I will be lucky enough to find my partner in life or perhaps she will find me.