Lesbian Problems

Lesbian problems

Being a gay woman has it's own set of unique problems. I mean it's probably obvious to the outside population that we should have our own unique set of problems, but the individual problems themselves are not exactly obvious to the heterosexual population. There are a lot of stereotypes and misinformation to clear up, even among family members and friends there is a lot of bad information floating around. Let me give some examples from my own life.

I recently had to go to the doctors office for my two year “physical”. Every woman can relate to this. It's not fun, it's mildly embarrassing and always cold in the office. I love my doctor, she's great. She actually treats me like a human being, but there are some awkward moments. During the physical she is very through and even includes a breast exam. This is not as fun as some of you might think. The little piece of paper towel that they give to make me feel like I have some modesty actually does the opposite. During the exam she makes idle chatter with me and I feel like an avocado that someone is picking up and squeezing in the grocery store, decides they don't want and puts back into the little paper cup. I am praying she doesn't think I'm enjoying this in the least. Then she goes a little further south and I'm asked to shimmy down on the table and put my legs up in the stirrups. It's always the same thing..... a little further down please...further please....just a bit more... Okay I can only shimmy down so far at a time, and doing the backwards shuffle while wearing a Kleenex has got to be the MOST unattractive I've looked. She then proceeds to insert the duck lips and I'm pleased that she has switched to plastic which is less cold than metal. I mean enjoy the little things right. She continues the inane conversation while doing Lord knows what down there. I'm not sure what would be more comforting silence or chatter. Maybe she's listening for and echo? When we are done she leaves the room and I’m left to clean up for the 30 seconds she gives me. What is the point of that? You've just been staring down town for several minutes and squeezing my boobs like a baker kneading bread, you thought that perhaps that you'd lend me some dignity by not watching me get dressed? Did my granny panties frighten you? I mean, you've seen parts of me “I” haven't even seen, but goodness knows you can look at my faded bra or something.

Now all of this I can handle. Every woman has to go for it. It is a bond we share. She fills out the paper work for the assorted blood tests and I guess it's routine to her. Perhaps that's why she asked if I needed a pregnancy test. Perhaps it was a momentary lapse in judgement. I know I scheduled the exam myself (usually she has to hound me), but really? Let's be honest here. The exam was probably the most action I've seen with a woman in months. Pregnancy test? I know I have a kid, but the pregnancy ship sailed a long time ago just about the time when I had my tubes tied. That and the fact that the man ship sunk a long time ago, just about the time I figured out I was a lesbian actually. Unless there is some way of getting pregnant I haven't heard of yet, I can say with 100 percent accuracy I'm not. I mean, I’ve never heard of a female getting another female pregnant is that what dental dams are for? I've never used one, kinda smacks of eating a burger with the wrapper still on. Pregnant. I haven't even formed a good idea lately, never mind a child inside. Do I really have to answer this question. Is this something new I have to worry myself with? I just answer no and she goes back to her paper work. I on the other hand am trying to maintain a dead pan face while the lady in my head is howling with laughter. I made it to the car before exploding.

Lesbian problems. Gotta love them.