Took a Walk down the isle with my wife...

Took a Walk down the isle with my wife....

My life is surrounded by the ridiculously random and bizarre. To give a bit of a back ground, I have a very dear and close friend (more like family) whom I have affectionately deemed my "wife". Ya I have a weird and wonderful set of interpersonal relationships that I wouldn't change for the world! (I will have problems explaining to my future girlfriend, but if she is worthy it she will understand!)  I have mentioned before that weird stuff seems to follow me around. People tend to think I'm exaggerating when I rattle off the strange stuff that has happened to me. Perhaps this is because I'm howling laughing at the time I am retelling it! My "wife" was soon to find out how true this is.

We were shopping in a major construction store that rhymes with schmoes..... anyhow... one of the sales reps had over heard her comment that every time she passes this tool box her husband wanted it. He assumed that it was he that she was talking to instead of me. He came out of the isle with a smile on his face, he was a friendly older gentleman. My “wife's” husband was in the restroom at the time and I was struggling with a cart with a sticky wheel... okay we are blaming the wheel and not my driving skills! My head was down at the time and the perky sales associate says, “Hey fella she's working you pretty hard eh?” Now I've stated before that I'm pretty butch, but this particular day I was wearing a low cut tank top and a zip up hooded sweater over top that was not zipped. I figured that the man saw the short hair and assumed I was male the cart was large and I was at an odd angle pushing it. I feel bad for the person in these circumstances I don't get mad, it's a mistake. So I turned to him and said, “Yes she is!” Standing facing him so he could get a view of my undoubtedly female features. Okay at this point I should probably tell you that I'm fairly well endowed for a girl. I mean I'm somewhere in between crippling back ache and boy she's busty. To say at that moment I had a little bit of cleavage showing would be like saying the grand canyon is just a crack. I figured that he would notice and apologize or something. What he did next shocked the hell out of me. He said, “Well once you are done all that hard work I bet you will get lots of hugs and kisses.” I looked over to my “wife” and she nods and says, “Ya!” I said, “That would be nice!” and we continued about 4 or five isles down until both of us ran out of air and were forced to breathe. Then were were forced to exhale and what came out was gales of laughter in epic and monumental proportions. I couldn't look her in the face. She was kinda flabbergasted that this incident really happened to us. I had to walk away because 1) I was laughing so hard I couldn't breath and I was close to “getting stuck laughing” (See emotional Incontinence and MS) 2) I was fairly certain that if I didn't stop laughing I was going to leave a trail of pee down the isle and out the door and I didn't have any spare pants. 3) My “wife” was laughing equally as hard as I was and I didn't want her to dribble either! She just couldn't stop laughing every time we looked at each other and probably every time she spied my chest that was bobbing up and down so obviously female. (it's not like I have a deep voice either! Castrato perhaps?) 4) I didn't want to end up rolling on the floor laughing in the lumber isle.
My “wife” and I were laughing so hard we couldn't even communicate with her husband what had happened which was even funnier. It looses something in the story, but I will never forget the look on her face, her big brown eyes getting ever so wider and the eyebrow that shot up on one side questioning me did she really just hear that?(insert Scooby Doo noise here) Perhaps the man sensed the closeness that we share. Perhaps he was more liberal than he appeared. Perhaps he needed a refill on his glasses. Regardless of anything and all laughing aside, I would have been proud to have her as my wife and I am honoured and proud she is my “wife”. Although if she reads this and gets me a ring from the store that rhymes with schmoes I may have to laugh even harder.



Today I am awesome because I am surrounded with people who love me and show me every day in many different ways that they do.